Monday, March 27, 2006

AGCD: America Gone Confused Desi- Back in India

Scare relatives by giving them frenzied electronic items like Electric Razor, Robot vacuum machine and scare the hell out of them explaining how it works.

Prefer tin coke instead of soda bottle coke and think tin coke is cool when you pay more for less quantity.

Call a friend and ask for appointment/expect the appointments for a casual visit.

Complain about not having lanes in road system to friend as if driven in laned roads.

Listen acknowledging with huhumm, hahhan instead of our traditional hmmm.

Carry a laptop to office without any use of it.

Have a flip type mobile with ringer tone of some unknown english song.

Stop and Wait for pedestrians to cross while driving car even in small Indian roads listening to the honks behind.

Donate at least 10 rs to a beggar.

Always say yup or yep instead of yes.

Cry wazzup buddy / baby when meeting friends.

Wear a thick half trouser tucking in T-shirt (with a small tummy) even
when going to meet relatives.

Play/watch tennis, basket ball, baseball, F1 race.

Always take cold Tropicana.

Say thank you to servant maid even for any small help.

Try saying Soccer when football (deep down the heart it is still football).

Tries to look out for Clorex in super market.

Just for the sake of it try entering car in right hand side and say "ooooh ..." as if u right from birth driven car in right hand side.

Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.

Drinks and carries mineral water and always speak of health conscious.

Sprays deo such so that he doesn't need to take bath.

Sneezes and says 'Excuse me' Says 'Bless you' when someone does.

Says "Hey" instead of "Hi"
Says "Yogurt" instead of saying "Curd"
Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi"
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate"
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit"
Says "Free Way" instead of "Highway"
Says "got to go" instead of "Have to go"
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four

Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution: Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.

Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters) and counts in Millions(Not in Lakhs)

Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible
(but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).

Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.

When need to say Z (zed, never says Z (Zed, repeats "Zee"
several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y Zee(but never says Zed)

Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"

Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.

Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".

Avoids eating more chili (hot stuff).

Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.

Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.

Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "Mojule".

Looks speciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.

From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.

Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads and Railway platforms.

Ultimate one

Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...:" or "When I was in US..."

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